killer whales

yesterday at sea world, a killer whale ate somebody. i saw the tweet, read the article, and stood in the elevator lobby during my smoke break to watch some coverage. i wasn't smoking in the elevator lobby though. i wanted to be a "marine biologist" once. because i sure thought that it meant i could just swim with dolphins. when i learned that i had to study biology and marine life as a whole, the idea dwindled and the process started all over again in the names of physical therapy, forensic psychology, literature, and journalism. i ended up as a market researcher beeteedub. whatever the hell that is. i.have.no.idea.

anyway, after marine biology faq's were made clear, i developed a fear of fish. it didn't have anything to do with the course of study. it just happened. sometimes i tell a story from my childhood right after i admit this, and do it in a way that is so seamless you would think they connect. but they don't, really. i know that, i just tell it that way because people are always wanting to know why another person does what they do. i'm just keeping up with the freudians here. the story goes that i went to the beach with my parents when i was a kid, got stuck in a bed or pod or whatever the group name is for large amount of jellyfish. i get caught and my dad has to fish me out of the fish-things. i wouldn't have been out there in the first place if it weren't for him, but i was scared of this guy to tell you the truth and was only swimming in the big sea because he was, and i thought if i didn't he would call me a girl. apparently i didn't want to be a girl. i at least didn't want to be called one. so swim swim sting and i'm suddenly on the shore with the jelly stuck to my leg and live tentacles too. i didn't say much about this either, though. i just pulled the jelly off and hoped my mom would notice. i knew she would and she did so she tells buck, my dad, that we need to go buy some steak sauce. again i tried not being a girl and dismiss the fact that i have sting jelly on my leg and my parents are requesting steak sauce, mom makes it clear that steak sauce, much like piss, will take the sting right out. my parents weren't the kind to pee on their children.

so thats the story i always tell as a segway to fish fear. there was also the visit to the new orleans aquarium. before hurricane katrina took all the fish back home, i went down to new orleans with my grandmother. i called her nanny and she was a god. mom also went and the picures indicate that i wore a fanny pack and a bright-color-splattered outfit. so this was nineteen eighty something. nanny made a rule while we were there that we couldn't advance to the next exhibit until all of the information had been read. i was really smart about fish after that, but not smart enough to be a marine biologist. we finally get all the way through the first floor and go up to the cafeteria. the french fries were shaped like sharks. i have a picture of this as well. my hair is a mess of blonde and my teeth are very large and i am swimming the shark through the air with my fingers. it is only apropos that the shark tank immediately followed the cafeteria, and by shark tank i mean there was a large, glass cut out in the middle of the floor with great whites swimming underneath. great fucking whites.